Thursday, 30 July 2009

Vanishing Acts

When your in love, your with someone who's presence and aura you love being around, they make you smile, happy, comfy in your skin. You think just maybe he might be something different to the other guys, you know them idiots who have broken your heart - let you down, screwed you around and confused you. You think, maybe everything will be just right. Everything seems right, well it seems more then right, you go out, you go away, you talk and make plans for the future, he says his spare room can be your office when he gets around to fixing the damp, he says he'll take you to Paris and Italy. He says he loves you.

And then, when everything is going well, when your feet are firmly fixed into this relationship. He Vanishes.

First you think, okay he's just busy - his phones probably dead, broken maybe. So he'll ring, email or text when he can. Sure he will - he wouldn't just vanish would he?! Then the days roll on, and he's still not being in touch. He really has pulled the vanishing act on you. Thing is - I'm getting to be a bit of a sucker for these guys who like to pull the vanishing act - and it's not by choice, it's just that i seem to have fallen for two in the past twelve months. I think I need to rethink my relationships. Or at least, my choice of men.

So you start to internalise everything - was there something I did wrong. What didn't I do, or what thing, or action did I do that was so bad, so wrong that would force a guy to just - well just literally vanish. Don't get me wrong I didn't just sit around waiting by my phone for him to get in touch. I texted, I rang (for the phone to be slammed down) and I emailed. but not to the amount that would make me appear crazy- I'm not that crazy. Yet to only to be met with a blank wall of silence. Sometimes silence really does say more then the words "You're dumped".

So you're left with no answer. No answer is what you'll always be left with for trying to understand why things went wrong. You start to feel utterly worthless - why don't I deserve a reason, did I mean NOTHING to him so I don't even deserve to know why?! You're helplessly less in a state of purgatory. Not knowing which way to look, to turn or go to. You have to suddenly see yourself as single, what reason do you even tell your friends. To say he vanished on YOU sounds - well it seemed to me kinda pathetic - that it was my fault. Then you have to see, well try and see its HIM with the problem - he's not got the balls to tell you when things were going wrong.

Okay granted I think I may have been somewhat viewing my "relationship" through rose tinted glasses, over the past few months he was gradually getting more distant and kept backing away. Maybe he was a love them, f#@k them and leave them kinda guy, maybe he might my replacement. Maybe - well maybe he just wasn't that much into me. To be honest one thing that's made me see sense is the book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo "He's just not that into you" - to be honest I wish I had stumbled across this book years ago - it would have saved me enough confusion and tears to have lasted a life time.

The moral of the story - if a guy is into you - he will let you know.

The moral of my story - my guy wasn't into me, and he was letting me know that so so very clearly.

I've battled for days in the past two weeks wondering what to do. Strength and friends have stopped me from getting in contract with him. And still nothing from him. I'm resound to the fact that I probably never will get one reason why and I no longer feel the need to try and get him to get in touch with me - maybe that's just my current state of mind. Maybe he just doesn't deserve to hear from me.

The thing to remember is that it isn't your fault. That there are guys out there that will give you a reason if there ever needs to be one. I'm speaking this from two idiots worth of experience. I and you are far from being worthless, but we deserve better then the poor excuse that any guy that can do this act without feeling any form of guilt.

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