I actively try and keep LOTS a carefree happy place especially considering all the stressed out posts with regards to the visa and moving process. Nevertheless the whole act of emigrating itself is a huge deal and sometimes I find the outcome of moving hard to deal with. It's not that I regret moving - I love being with Joe it's the trying to fit in part.
Once upon a time I had confidence in both myself and my body - since moving I've noticed this sense of confidence has drastically vanished. Let me tell you why - I've always been shy but I've normally been able to overcome it and dealt with getting myself out there and being me regardless of what people think. In America as soon as I open my mouth with my English accent it feels like people know I'm an outsider. People always remark on my accent and mostly probably mean well but more and more it makes me want to loose my accent. I've come to hate standing out rather then embracing it because I'm often asked to repeat myself.
American heatwave's have really messed up my body confidence issues too. With the exceedingly warm weather people wear less and less clothing and the people my eyes focus on are the really skinny really pretty girls. I get body envy and wish my body was skinny too. It's even putting me off ever visiting a water park because I just couldn't pull off a swimsuit or a bikini ever. I'm starting to hate my figure more then ever.
My lack of confidence is hindering me in reaching our for opportunities - I've not overly actively looking for employment because of the accent and additionally the assumption that my university name means nothing in the US. Americans are assumed to have some of the best universities in the world so how does my Russell Group [Newcastle University if you're interested] degree and Masters rank up? That and not really knowing what job/career I want bugs me too and I have no idea how to sell myself.
While it might be a few years off I daydream about which side of the pond would be best for raising children. The UK with the free health service or the US with their overpriced university education? If you're in the UK and you think University fees are high look at American university prices and you'll be gob smacked. Do I want my kids to have a little or a lot of debt? Would I want them to grow up in a country with a huge gun culture - I think not. It's still a hard thing to work out at times.
I guess that's all I have to say for now.