I'll be the first to admit that I have a fair new fears, anxiety filled moments when it comes to being an expat. Even more so that this for me, is a hard topic to speak about, it reveals what I find to be my weakness, that being an expat isn't always a rosy experience. It's hard for to pin point one fear that troubles me more than other and the fears have certainly changed and no doubt will continue to do so. So I thought I'd share some of the main worries for the last in the Expat Revelations with Holly - past, every day ones and possible future issues.
Healthcare
Moving from the UK with it's free NHS (well paid with taxes) to the US without any medical coverage was a big fear. Until I was granted my greencard I couldn't be added onto Joe's health insurance coverage. So for the first six months I was running uninsured and wild and dangerous and probably should have wrapped myself up in bubble wrap. That was until I got strep 3 months into uncovered period and I had to go to the urgent care. Without insurance seeing a Dr cost $100 - any treatment and tests just added up that total. Now fast forward and having that health insurance is a big relief, it's still not cheap to visit a Dr or get medication, but it makes it cheaper and something to stress about a little less.
The homeland
Honestly I worry about returning to the UK, even to visit. I haven't returned since I left, I worry, and well know that the UK isn't the same country - politically and socially and I'm not that unworldly girl that left in 2011. People have changed - friends have had babies, got married, people have died and again I'm not that person they use to know (I talk about immigration guilt which somewhat relates to this point more here). Absence changes everyone - yourself and the ones you left behind. Being so use to an American way of life - a life of American pancakes, of having money notes all the same size, American gas prices, of Target and mom n pop diners, being "British" again for whatever crazy reason, even if it's just for a week, is scary.
Of Being The Foreigner
Being that British girl, that foreigner, of still being an outsider is always a constant fear. It's an insecurity that blankets my life, a fear of never fully belonging in either the US or the UK, like which country is really home. Everyday fears of my accent making me stick out but I also fear completely loosing my East Yorkshire twang, of meeting people, of being misunderstood, humour falling flat, saying, doing the wrong thing.
Paperwork
Visa, greencard paper has been a fear since 2011 but it's one that still comes into play when I have to apply for something new. Go back to April/May of this year and my fear of having to prove my marriage was real. Granted my greencard entitles me to live in the US for ten years, by then I want to have applied and being granted citizenship. But I fear not being able to remember all of the key constitutional points and it's amendments of all the government roles and things. I need to the battle the fear of applying for citizenship (and also what that means on a personal level as no longer being just a British citizenship - although being a Brit I'm granted dual citizenship but still) to stop the constant green card renewal fear.
Fears are something I don't think people speak about on blogs enough and certainly not enough on expat based blogs. It's not wrong to admit any of us has a fear whether big or small, but for some reason admitting you have a fear while being an expat is too real, it's too open about admitting that the expat dream isn't as amazing or as grand as you want everyone to believe.
I can't begin what it's like to leave your old country behind and start in a new one. At least we speak the same language, sort of, so that makes things a little easier, I would imagine. The closest I would have come is going away to college and staying in the same area. I've now been down here longer than I've been in my hometown. I still mostly recognize my hometown but things have changed so much over the past 20 years.
ReplyDeleteYeah the same(ish) language does make it easier, although there's everyday things - saying tomato or just saying the time that makes people double take which, even this far into living here feel uneasy. I know whenever I do get back to visit my sleepy English town that I grew up, everything will seem so much different after living in the US.
DeleteIt is hard. Being an expat can be one of the biggest challenges in life, but just consider wjat you get out of it (9 years in the UK and this Kiwi girl still has tough days).
ReplyDeleteYou are different, but in such a good way!
Yeah, it's hard for me to grasp that being different is sometimes good! I'm use to everything make me stand out too much, especially with being shy, it's not always too easy to just fade into the background like I'm use to!
DeleteI definitely have all those fears and more! I never know what's happening when I go to the doctors (they could tell me I need to lay a million dollars and I'd believe them!), I had a mini-meltdown in Starbucks when I was back in the UK the other week because they didn't have the usual stuff I drink here in the States, I worry people might forget about me because I'm not part of their everyday life anymore and I'm always worried we'll be told we have to get out of the country! Ah...the life of an expat!
ReplyDeleteOh Dr visits are so weird in the US, it's like you're going for an MOT every single time and always so much paperwork, seriously! And yes, the worry of being told to leave is a big one for me too!
DeleteI totally deal with all of the fears you've mentioned... Sometimes I feel so clueless and completely dependent on my husband because I just rely on him for all of the technical things like insurance, health care, buying big things. Things that I would know where to look for and how to do at home... it makes you feel insecure about being able to handle it on your own, but maybe that's because it's only my first year here? Anyway, I have to schedule a doctor's visit soon and have no idea who to pick or where to start! If it was Belgium I would just go to the one down the street, but Americans do research ;)
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about being more relation on the OH - as I don't drive (which is kinda hard living in the US to not be able to do) and because the majority of city life isn't walkable, that makes it hard. For the over stuff like sorting health care and understanding the mortgage I leave that up to him anyway haha. Our health insurance has a great website for finding local doctors otherwise I wouldn't have a clue especially as there's a Dr here for everything aliment!
DeleteOoh I can imagine how scary it would be to switch over to our healthcare system. I've lived in the US my whole life and it still scares the heck out of me! It's crazy the stuff you have to learn to be granted citizenship here. Because I guarantee you most Americans would fail it if they took it. I know I would!
ReplyDeleteIt's not the easiest thing to understand is it?! There's so much more paperwork compared to the UK it's crazy. I know if I was to do the UK citizenship test, I don't think i'd do very well!
DeleteIt really must be scary to have to go from an NHS service to having to pay. I think a lot of people take for granted what we have over here as a healthcare service and it's really sad to see, but we are lucky to have it. I understand what you mean about the UK too, even I'm scared for how it's turning out to be. I think it's refreshing that you've shared your fears as they are extremely real ones and ones I hardly every see spoken about x
ReplyDeleteIt certainly makes you appreciate what the UK has a lot more - and I think people knock it more than it needs to be. But you can tell there's a difference, or that the NHS is super underfunded when you compare to just how healthcare works in the US. The hospitals are on a another level, i'm not sure if that's because it's run like a business, because of insurance or because it's valued higher in the US.
DeleteAnd thank you - I really do want this blog to be honest - the good and the bad of being, well me, but especially about being an expat.
I always afraid of people talking to me in public, especially as it's going to be in Dutch and then there is this silence where I need to work out what they've said and think of a reply, in English mind, I'm not that good. It's even scarier when we go to the French side, of Brussels, the French kind of freaks me out too. Worst thing is, I love talking to people and I love striking up conversations with people and I feel like I can't do that as much here (language and general unsociability of the people) and it makes me quite lonely when I'm out and about, even with Kris.
ReplyDeleteMost of my fears revolve around language, sometimes people say something to you and you don't know if it's a compliment or an insult... The other day a man said something to us in French and he was smiling so I took it as a compliment. But you never know and I think that chips away at my confidence if I'm being really honest.
I hate going home but that's all family and stuff, it makes me really anxious and stressed. I just void it as much as possible!
Yeah i was lucky with the whole same language thing, I struggle with languages, I just can't remember them, so I wasn't the best at learning French in school for sure.
DeleteCan you understand a lot of Dutch then?
I can read better than talking/writing. I can understand enough to get by in the supermarket and with super basic questions but I can't have a conversation. Every now and then I can butt into the conversation, I rely more on body language than anything to understand what's going on.
DeleteScience in Dutch is easy, most of the conversation is practically English, so there I'm ok :) But mostly I just ignore it and it's a strange loud silence.
I get worried about healthcare here too, constantly, it is a real worry and I really have to think about the activities I participate in, in case I get injured etc. I also worry about going home - just because it is so traumatic leaving there and coming back to Canada. Each time it is just as bad as the time before.
ReplyDeleteCanadian healthcare is often ridiculed in the US because of how "socialist" it is, but yeah, it's a lot better since having the security of insurance. I mean it's not cheap, but for us an ER visit is $100 which is a tonne cheaper than what it would be without it! One visit when everything was tallied up would have cost $5k.
DeleteI think what would scare me most about leaving the UK besides being enough my family would be the lack of the NHS. Even though I haven't had to use it often (touch wood) I still like knowing at it is there as a safety blanket. I can't imagine the amount of money it would cost if I was to be ill or pregnant in another country. The NHS is something we definitely take for granted here although it does feel like if the Tories have their way it won't be around for too much longer!
ReplyDeleteDebi x
Yeah from what Joe's explain your insurance only pays up to a certain amount with pregnancy (or at least ours does) but I couldn't imagine how much that would even cost. Don't get me wrong you certainly get the most out of your money - then again we have one of the top hospitals on our doorstep but still.
DeleteI really don't think the UK really realises just how darn lucky they are with the NHS. It's all too easy to complain about the wait at the Drs or even the cost of a prescription. I mean even when I was working back in the pharmacy back in the UK I knew the cost of medicine, and for the majority of medication, they are vastly cheaper.
What the Tories are getting away with with regards to the NHS is horrendous.