Sometimes I wonder if how I've changed as a person over the last two and a half years of being an expat if it's all been because of moving countries or because of growing older and everything else that's been thrown my way. How much difference have those 3,656 miles made?! So for today's Expat Revelations link up with Holly, I'm exploring how becoming a British expat in the USA has changed me - for good, or bad.
To back track I was a bit rebellious in my teen early twenties - the time that was matched with my university years. I went out drinking three times a week, probably drank too much, smoked a little, went to gigs and had lots of friends. Now I'd rather stay in of a night and watch Family Guy or read a book. Is that because i'm eight years the wiser? Because I'm nearly 28 and growing up (or old), or because moving countries knocked my confidence and i'd rather stay in and lets be honest here, hide a little.
Which is odd when you think about it. Moving countries is a big deal, it's nothing to take lightly. You have to have confidence that this is the move, the life change for you. You pack your bags, you move thousands of miles. I moved to the US and had never stepped foot in the country before. I left family, friends and a job behind. I didn't have plans, other than being with Joe. Surely that took a huge ball of confidence? I guess it did just for some reason it knocked me down rather than built me up.
See I don't like bigging myself up can't you tell.
See I don't like bigging myself up can't you tell.
Being an expat makes me feel like the odd one out, being the one with the funny, the odd accent (that everyone thinks is Australian) or jokes that I was Joe's mail order bride knocked me for six, it's made me so self aware of myself that I pull myself apart. Waitresses sometimes can't pick up what I say, you get double takes, you get people complaining about foreigners right behind you. All that compiles in pushing my social anxiety to the forefront. It makes me question myself about being the outsider.
Regardless I remind myself that being an expat has made me strong. It's given me opportunities to do things I would never have otherwise, I mean after being in a long distance relationship I get to be with my guy that's worth it all. But it's additionally the estate sales which created a vinyl collection through which I got into blues music. I'm a lot more aware of the beauty of the world and just how vast it is and of how sheltered my youth was. Maybe moving countries gave me the kick up my arse to grow up, to take a bit more responsibility. It's certainly made me a bit more adventurous about exploring places - something I regret not doing more at university. Granted I need a push from Joe at times, but I love finding new places to eat, new places to visit, it's given me a new and better appreciation of the world around me, and I certainly would never have thought about promoting Detroit like I try and do here even knowing it was going to be my home until I took to exploring the city for myself.
Being an expat certainly changes you, it makes you so self aware, it makes you aware of the world around you - the small things, the big things. While it can make you aware of yourself, your nationality, your confidence in doing such a huge thing, it can also make you so, so aware of being an outsider and as someone who likes to fade into the crowd a little, it's hard to handle at times.
I for one certainly could do with reminding myself how strong I am.
I for one certainly could do with reminding myself how strong I am.