Tuesday, 7 September 2010

My name is rayray, i'm nearly 24 and I still live at home

One of the things I wish I could change about my life right now is living at home. I was one of those birdies that fluttered away to university when they were 18. I moved from Yorkshire all the way up to Newcastle and absolutely loved it. It was my haven. After living and growing up in the countryside in a middle of nowhere, going nowhere town, Newcastle had everything. It had bars, it had people, it had noise, it had things going for it. It was my escape. I lived there for four years while doing my degree and my masters. I think one of the reasons for doing my last minute application to do an MA was just to get away from living at home.

After that though, I was leaving university in the middle of that R world - the old recession. Bugger. Apparently all was going to be okay though because I had a job lined up, but sods law and everything fell through and well, a year later i'm still at home.

Don't get me wrong I love hardly paying any rent, and yeah i'm a little spoilt. But it depends on what way you look at it. All my meals are still made for me - and it's food thats buggering up my stomach. My mam has the habit of overcooking and solving everything, I haven't seen a salad or a jacket potato really since leaving university. That's all I ever really use to eat, and its why I lost two stone. Now that weights coming back and every time I look in the mirror I hate myself a little more. I've tried over and over to say i'll make my own food, that she don't have to bother reheating tasteless food, but even under her watchful gaze she'll think I just don't want to eat.

I really can't win. I feel like I have to clock in and clock out every time I leave home. If my bus is five minutes late its like hell's broken loose. And yeah I know its "only because they care" but i'm nearly 24. To be honest i'm scared of my mam too. She has this habit of twisting things to always be against her, everything has to be personal. My dad just sits there and just don't won't the get on the wrong side.

This is the crisis of being an only kid. If only there had been another kid to distract them from me. You hear of people returning from university and STILL living at home when they are in their 30s because they can't find a way out or get a mortgage or whatever. That scares the living daylights out of me.
I know I could move out but with saving for holiday and getting married and moving to the states I need all the money I can get. And I probably sound utterly spoilt and sulking because I can't get my own way.I wish I could run away and jump on a plane to JJ in the States but the visa people wouldn't like that.

I would just like my freedom back. Or maybe i'm super ungrateful

1 comment:

  1. I so 100% know what you're talking about here.

    I moved back home after I'd done my MSc and ran out of money and had to move back home to Hull from Manchester.

    It was absolute hell on earth for the almost 2 years I lived with Mum. It wasn't terrible all the time but there was this constant need to check in and not go places incase it made her worried or messed with her plans. There was certainly nothing spontaneous because I couldn't feel I could cancel dinner at short notice and if I had spent quite a bit of time out I had the guilts put on me and the ol' "You use this place like a hotel" business came off.

    I never felt like I could lie in on a weekend because Mum would be up cleaning so I felt obliged to do it as well.

    Everything you wrote chimed with me so I can completely understand how you're feeling. You have to focus on the end goal - at least you have a ring on your finger!