Friday, 14 August 2009

A shell of memories

In the past four weeks I've been dealing with the silence from THE vanishing act. I will admit I haven't posted much about it, or even about him on here. Sometimes - I really think He isn't worth mentioning.

Four weeks on and my world still feels crazy. I have become an insomniac - this is coming from a girl who loved sleep and could sleep for hours. Yet its now something that has bypassed my daily needs. He still finds a way into my thoughts, little things, going to a museum that I know he'd of enjoyed, seeing somewhere were we went together, something about his football club on the news. And while currently packing my life into boxes and carrier bags for home, today I happened to stumble upon a plain little shell that He gave me on our first dates to the coast.

So this got me thinking - just what are you meant to do with the things a guy (or girl) gives you after you've broken up? They might be simple things - tickets of places you both went together, presents, little gifts, just things that make a memory. I came in my last relationship to acquire perfumes, shells and Luella purse to name but some. Not being materialistic in my origins, to be given purses on your second date did make an impression - yet now its an impression which makes me consider and assume, that what he was doing was buying me into bed.

Do you, or are you meant to throw them all away? Do you hide them? Or keep these things as a reminder of what you did have? Of what you had before everything went wrong.

Of course whether you keep them will be somewhat dependent on why the relationship ended. But can you remove the personal attachments? The memories from an object? Seeing an object, a ticket a present can return your mind back to a point in the past, of feelings, emotions, joys or loss. The sense of loss may perhaps be held in the constant sight of this object. Normally a perfume bottle would be fine - one is even Channel (wooooo) but because of the memories of him giving me it, I see the bottle - and I see him.

I started thinking about throwing them all away (OK maybe not the Channel) but it seems a waste. But then I don't want the constant reminders (I'm a contradiction remember!!). The guy before him - well he gave me one of his personalised swim team shirt, I loved it, I slept in it - it smelt of him and made him feel closer to me. Yet when he too pulled a fast one, the shirt and all the other stuff from him all went in the bin. Now months on from that relationship ending - I really wish I hadn't, I don't really know why, I just think I miss just having it because of the good memories that came with it. The relationship might have ended bad, but the memories were good.

So four weeks on - maybe it is too soon to decide what to do with the things. Maybe seven months later the attachments of him, of the ending, of his stupidity might have vanished (just like him). Until then Channel is my perfume of choice.

1 comment:

  1. Aww Pink, I love the last line of this.

    I'm sorry to hear about the tough situation you are in. I think the only thing you can do is box them up for now and come back to it one day when the feelings have died down a bit. One day you will know for sure, just don't throw them away and end up like you did with your ex again.

    It is horrible the little things that can act as a constant reminder x